Here’s Proof that (Mild to Majorly) Offensive Baby Onesies Are Awesome

Here’s Proof that (Mild to Majorly) Offensive Baby Onesies Are Awesome

If you’re an easily offended mom, this article is not for you. Because I’m going to open, continue and shut it with zingers. I read this the other day and yes, my jaw dropped but I also couldn’t help laughing, offensive baby onesies.

Q: What is the difference between a baby and an onion? 
A: No one cries when you chop the baby.
Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Okay, I’m sorry if that was too much. But, how would you like to see a dead baby jokes in the form of offensive baby onesies? If it sounds outrageous, give me a minute to make my case.

If you can’t wait to check out my top picks, all of them can be found on Amazon, linked below.

We ♥ honesty! FullerLifeMakeover earns a commission through the following hand-picked links at no extra cost to you.

Baby

Dead baby jokes can be really offensive and leave you in shock, I know. But if you like dark comedy, these are jokes that can leave you in splits at the same time. And if you are like me and constantly on the lookout for sarcastic one liners, you obviously had a phase when those lines made it to your t-shirts. As the world goes retro (time and again), we are back in that space where snarky cartoons and left-handed compliments are back on the front of our clothes. So why not do the same for your infant? You can’t deny that if and when you see offensive baby onesies you are a little impressed by the confidence and personality of the parents. There is a part of you that thinks they are cool, even if you hate them.

Baby in onesies

Luckily for us, there are a lot of captioned onesies available for purchase. And no, I’m not pushing for dead baby jokes on your baby’s onesie (unless you’re into that) but wouldn’t it be cool to get a onesie with a snide remark on it? It shows that you have a sense of humor, a sense of style and it makes for great pictures.

But (as you probably already know) buying baby onesies is not like buying t-shirts. You can’t get five of those just because you found five amazing one liners. So let’s talk a little bit about that before I dive into the world of offensive baby onesies that I discovered and get carried away with the available options.

How Many Is Too Many?

How Many Is Too Many? Baby onesies
  • Shopping: It is commonly advised that parents should start planning the number of clothes to buy for the newborn right away. Which means, the earlier you think about it, the better. But that does not mean you do all the shopping before the baby is even born. Wait for her/him to come out and do a bulk of the shopping after you know the gender and size.
  • Gifts: Baby clothes are also a popular gift from friends and family. So experts say, in case you are expecting visitors for the baby, whether in the hospital or at home, you want to wait and see what toys and clothes everyone brings for your little one. And if you’ve spent any time forwarding dead baby jokes, hope that someone picks up a couple of offensive baby onesies. Because babies grow out of their clothes notoriously fast, you want to get a couple of those for each stage of their lives and take some pictures. 
Baby Onesies in beach

However, if you end up with too many clothes or toys, don’t blame your poor friends and family. At the time, all they knew was that you gave birth to a healthy girl or a boy. So, circling back to the main point, keep a couple of options ready for the moments following the birth and then wait to see the gifts. 

  • The first 30 days: The plan should start with the first 30 days. In the very beginning, mommy is going to be busy recovering from the delivery and will not have much energy and the mind space to worry about clothes. You might want to save a cutie for the day you’re taking your little one home because that’s a day you’ll remember but other than that, don’t go overboard with the shopping.

So for this time period, you want four to eight baby onesies with an open head and open bottoms.

What Kind Is the Best Kind?

What Onesies Kind Is the Best Kind?

This is the most sensitive time, physically speaking, for you and your baby’s life. The first clothes are crucial because even though they will grow out of it really soon, they need to be as comfortable and secure as they did coming from the safest place in the universe–the mom’s womb. It’s not a Herculean task to find the perfect stuff and if you are a first-time parent, here all you need to know before you go out and use your adult design sensibilities to buy clothes for your kid.

Baby Onesies
  • Type: Don’t get clothes that look adorable but are a pain to get the baby into. Keep an eye out for how loose the heads and legs are.
  • Fabric: Depending on where you are and what time of year it is, be sure to buy clothes made of breathable fabrics like cotton in the summer and fleece in the winter.
  • Add-ons: Avoid zippers and other extras which are made of metal because sometimes infants are allergic to these materials and right now is the absolute wrong time to figure that out. 
  • Choking hazard: Check the garment for those extra design elements like buttons and laces. They could end up being a choking hazard whether they swallow it or risk strangulation.
  • Hygiene: You need to make sure the clothes don’t need sensitive washing techniques unless your baby has sensitive skin. Buy clothes that work well with unscented detergents – the stuff you use for everyone in the family. Also, make sure you wash everything that you buy before putting it on the baby. You don’t know where the clothes have been and how dirty they could’ve been. Don’t risk skin irritation or a rash. 
Baby on Floor

Top 8 Offensive Baby Onesies I Could Find

Now that we got the basics out of the way, let’s get to the fun part. There are a ton of options if you’re looking for mild to majorly offensive baby onesies, as specified in the title. And thanks to online shopping, you can watch your baby from the comfort of your home and find some hysterical options for them.

1.    Hot Ass Tees One Piece Bodysuit

First of all, the company’s name is awesome. And yeah, I’m not easing you into it. Since the orientation is done, here’s the first pick. The only thing that is offensive about this really is the language. That’s not a concern because you obviously know the A word and the baby cannot read. It’s a perfect situation. The only thing that could dampen the spirits is if there is a little cousin either within the family of friends and they come to visit. Then again, if you are the kind of couple to like this and buy this, your friends and family should have been prepared. Let’s leave it to them to figure this one out.

Specifications

  • This lovely onesie from Hot Ass Tees is made of 100% combed ring-spun cotton.
  • It needs to be washed cold and has flatlock seams which make it strong and durable. The edges are smooth, which is crucial while dressing an infant.
  • It makes accommodations for the baby’s sensitive skin. It’s an easy on and easy off piece with a double-needle ribbed binding on the neck, shoulders and sleeves.
  • It has a reinforced three-snap closure on the side seam.
  • It is made to last for a long time. Although, unless you are saving for it to be a hand me down, that’s really not useful advertising.

Pros

  • The quality is durable.
  • It is easy to put on and off the baby.
  • To change the diaper, all you need to do is roll over the baby, open the three-snap bottom enclosure and change.  
  • It’s a great gift for Christmas, Hanukkah or any other baby-related announcements.
  • It is made of soft and comfortable material.
  • It can be worn at night or during the day.

Cons

  • It’s not much of a joke except for the foul language that will get you into trouble with parents of your baby’s younger cousins.
  • If you can work your way out of that, it’s a pretty perfect product.
  • It is not suitable for places with extreme weather or if your child is born in the winter.

2. BiggerStore Funny Newborn Infant Baby Girls Boys Bodysuit Romper

The writers at BiggerStore don’t seem to understand that you don’t have to insult one gender to get a chuckle from the other. That aside, this is for dads (and moms or dads) who love their partners with a beard and fiercely so. If you can forgive the unnecessary denigration of women (‘you throw like a girl’ kind of humor) and consider that the intention was to be funny; that it is more about beards and less about women, this onesie is a good buy.

Specifications

  • It is 100% cotton and is soft and comfortable on the baby’s skin.
  • It is available in a variety of sizes starting from newborns to infants who are 18 months old.
  • For infants who are 0 to 3 months old, it starts at size 70 which is 9.1” bust, 14.6” in length.
  • It is a great gift for baby showers, first birthdays, Christmas and New Year’s.

Pros

  • Available in many sizes.
  • Delivery is quick.
  • Made of soft raw materials.
  • Excellent quality and design.
  • Looks just as good after multiple washes.

Cons

  • Some customers have mentioned that the fit at the baby’s legs is a bit weird although not too big of a deal.
  • You might want to check the size chart properly before placing the order.
  • It is not for winters and extreme weather situations.
  • The humor is unnecessarily offensive to two moms and could have been avoided.

3.   Printique Organic Onesie

This one is a classist onesie. If you don’t have any peasants in your family, you are safe. Printique products are created in North America and come with a 30-day guarantee. You will feel pretty good walking around with your baby in this onesie. It is, as the company claims, made for millennial parents who are sarcastic and like their ribs tickled.

Specifications

  • It is 100% cotton and is handmade.
  • It has envelope folds on the shoulder to make pulling it over easy. Who doesn’t want a piece of clothing that makes changing easy, right?
  • The fabric is ultra-soft but is good for machine wash and dryer. Use cold water though.
  • It comes in a range of sizes from 0 to 12 months.

Pros

  • It is made of organic materials and is handmade.
  • The fabric is ultra-soft and comfortable on the baby’s skin.
  • It comes with envelope folds on the shoulder.  
  • It looks just the way it is in the pictures.

Cons

  • It does not have many sizes.
  • The lettering starts to peel off after a few washes.
  • Although some customers have said that this happened after about a year which is pretty great.

4.  AW Fashions Infant One-Piece Baby Bodysuit

If you are not the best looker on the block, this is one unforgiving onesie. But these are all jokes so take it easy. This one-piece bodysuit is a great gift for baby showers, birthdays, pregnancy announcements and gender reveals. It’s also cool for Christmas and New Year or any other gift occasion. Whether you are a grandparent or an aunt or uncle, niece or nephew, it’s a good present.

Specifications

  • All the bodysuits from AW Fashions are 100% cotton and this one has a snap closure.
  • It is soft, durable and stretchy.
  • The text is printed using a high-quality ink transfer process.
  • The onesie is durable and has three snaps at the bottom which makes changing really easy and speedy.
  • It also has an expandable lap shoulder neckline which makes it easy to pull the romper over the baby’s head.
  • The interlock fabric is fully machine washable. Turn it inside out, wash it cold on a delicate cycle and tumble dry on low heat.
  • You can put your baby in this, whether you are going for a casual outing, planning an elaborate photoshoot or just want to put your baby to sleep.

Pros

  • It is made of soft raw materials.
  • The snap closure material is durable and makes changing easy. 
  • The fabric is machine washable.
  • It has an expandable neckline which makes dressing the baby easy.
  • The paint is non-toxic, solvent and smell free. It is permanent and heat pressed.
  • It comes in multiple colors.

Cons

  • You cannot bleach or dry clean it.
  • You cannot iron it on the design so if it wrinkles during the wash, fixing it gets tricky.
  • It comes only in three sizes—newborn, six months and 12 months.

5.   Brisco Brands Baby Bodysuit

If you can’t laugh at this, I don’t know how to help you out. It is neither snide nor offensive to anyone. It’s just a fact and is funny just because it’s a little gross. This awesome onesie is for young parents who can handle poop jokes at the dinner table.

Specifications

  • This onesie from Brisco is 100% ringspun cotton.
  • It is measured by the circumference of the baby’s torso which is 14.5″ and 10.25″ from the shoulder to the seam.
  • It’s a unisex onesie that expands the market for the company.
  • It includes a double-needle ribbed binding on the lap, shoulders, neck, sleeves and leg opening.
  • It also has flatlock stitched seams that helps with stretching and is decorative since the thread can be seen on both sides.
  • This is a full cut baby size romper which is made for infants from ages o to 18 months.
  • It is comfortable everyday wear.
  • It is machine washable but you cannot iron it.
  • It is eco-friendly and comes from rural North Carolina.

Pros

  • The material is soft and durable.
  • The raw materials are eco-friendly.
  • It is easy to wash in the machine.
  • It is unisex so you can buy it before the delivery.

Cons

  • There have been some problems with color. Some customers have reported that they got faded baby onesies that look like old onesies. You might want to check with the company before placing the order.
  • Also keep an eye on the return date and open it as soon as it arrives.

6.  Handmade 4 Babies Baby Romper

To be okay with this one liner, some of us need to look at it with the innocence of a child. And when you do, you won’t find anything offensive or obscene and will let out a chuckle even if you don’t want to. So let it be just that, a slightly graphic and suggestive joke.

Specifications

  • It is 100% cotton and is made in the USA.
  • The raw materials are imported and the finished product is of high quality.
  • You can wash and dry it in the machine, making your life easy.
  • It is easy to change diapers in this one because it comes with three snaps on the bottom.
  • The text is printed with baby safe apparel ink.
  • It comes in three sizes, ranging from newborns to infants of 18 months. The first is 0-6 months, the next is 6-12 months and the last is 12-18 months.
  • It’s a great gift whether you are taking it for an expecting couple or  Christmas, Hanukkah or New Year’s.

Pros

  • It is machine washable.
  • It is unisex, so it’s a good item to buy even before delivery.
  • The pictures might not look great but the onesie is actually quite bright and adorable.
  • The paint is non-toxic and the material is soft and comfy.

Cons

  • It comes in three sizes, but you can’t choose on Amazon.
  • The deceptively bad-looking pictures mean this might not be the best option as photoshoot clothing. 

7.   AW Fashions Novelty One-Piece Baby Bodysuit

My second pick from AW Fashions is offensive baby onesies only by implication and even in that, only if you are too sensitive and not sure what exactly is offending you. It is simply stating a fact and is safe to have around children who can read. The ‘China’ angle might lead to a whole other controversy if you have very sensitive people around, but otherwise, all is good.

Specifications

  • Baby onesies are durable and lasts long.
  • This is extremely comfortable for the baby and has three snaps at the bottom for speedy changing of diapers and easy access.
  • It also comes with an expandable lap shoulder neckline. That makes it easy to pull the onesie over the baby’s head quite easily.
  • This is a novelty piece made of durable interlock fabric that is machine washable.
  • This is a great gift for moms and dads to be at baby showers or gender reveal parties. It’s also great for birthdays, Christmas and New Year’s.

Pros

  • It is machine washable.
  • It is 100% cotton reducing chances of skin irritation and rashes.  
  • It comes in different sizes and colors giving you a lot of options.
  • It comes pre-washed and pre-shrunk in baby-friendly laundry detergent.

Cons

  • It is not for all seasons and the print doesn’t last for long.
  • You cannot iron directly on the print.

8.  Bullshirt Short Sleeve Babygrow

This one neither needs explanation nor does it leave anything to the imagination. It states a fact, uses offensive language and is going to get your child attention wherever he or she goes. If that’s your style, this onesie is perfect for you.

Specifications

  • It is made of 100% cotton and uses innovative printing techniques.
  • The finished product has great quality and is machine washable.
  • It is built to last long and be comfortable for the infant.
  • It is designed and produced in the UK but the company promises timely dispatch and quick delivery.
  • The bodysuit has three nickel-free poppers of premium quality.

Pros

  • It is made of soft materials and is machine washable.
  • It comes in four sizes and works for kids up to 24 months, although that’s a bit much.

Cons

  • It is not for all seasons.
  • It doesn’t have a choice of colors and the grey is a bit dull.

There you have it! If you fancy a onesie that’s offensive and hilarious, you have a great bunch that we’ve reviewed here that you can pick from. I personally really liked the “Made in Vachina” onesie because while it’s slightly offensive, it’s something that most people will have a hearty laugh over. That apart, any of these will light up a fun gathering. I’d be curious to know which one is your favorite!

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